By Alison Sardelli
Many people feel tempted to exaggerate about the more attractive aspects of their lives when meeting others on the singles scene. Some of those individuals will even attempt to create a completely fictitious life in the hopes of achieving a physical conquest that will require no lasting cover up.
Despite the success that may be enjoyed, however short-lived, by such deception it is often more damaging to the deceiver than one would expect. Though some would claim that their elaborate creations are only part of a game that does not injure them on an emotional level, in truth this behavior often indicates that a much deeper problem exists.
The need to constantly deceive in order to make a connection with another person usually indicates that the deceiver feels intensely insecure and is often using physical interaction as a substitute for facing the true problem.
On a lesser level of deceit, though perhaps no less harmful, there are those who exaggerate about their lives unintentionally when they feel nervous. Often people in this situation become convinced that sharing the details of their life will come across badly and that they will lose the interest of the other person.
This is often an issue of confidence and can be dealt with by taking a step back from dating and working on creating a more positive overall attitude. Doing so may require making some much needed changes in one’s life, but in the end the result is usually a satisfying one. Those that are unaware of their tendencies to embellish may succeed in maintaining a work of fiction for some time before truths are revealed and for this reason a person may continue this pattern of behavior for a great length of time.
A lie that does not appear to be harmful, or a white lie, may be repeatedly tossed casually into a conversation between singles. This is perhaps because the chances of two strangers really connecting through such a brief matchmaking are often low; a seemingly harmless lie will seldom be discovered in a short time span.
Even when using such tools as online dating sites, that offer some protection against some of the traceable deceptions, many people feel compelled to slip in a small fib or two in the hopes that it will create a lasting impression. Unfortunately, while these little lies seem relatively harmless, they may result in some very sticky situations, especially if there is any hope for a lasting relationship.
Withholding information from a person when that information may greatly affect how they perceive the relationship can also be considered a form of deception. Because the particular details of a person’s life can have such a profound effect on the way another person views them this act results in many of the same consequences as an actual lie. Some people may argue that when men or women keep secrets it is their right to withhold any personal information that they feel uncomfortable revealing. While this is quite often true, common sense dictates that to withhold too much, or critically important, personal information from an individual who you would hope to share your life with is a great deal more like deception that maintaining privacy.
Some of the exceptions to this rule might be a physical trait that a person would rather not reveal until the relationship reaches a more intimate stage or perhaps details from your past that are too painful to discuss openly until you feel a strong sense of trust.
However, each detail that is withheld is a truth that has not yet been tested and keeping this information from a person who may become important to you later on could result in a failed relationship. Understanding the difference between the details that should be revealed and those that can be held back often only requires a sense of honesty and consideration. If in doubt you might try a little bit of role reversal to see how you would feel having such information kept from you.
Some of the deceptions used in new relationships, or on dates are about issues that it is believed will not have a lasting consequence. Some examples of this might be exaggerating your enthusiasm for things that you love to do, or that you love places and activities that you do not find particularly interesting in reality.
While acting in an unselfish manor is often a great indication of deep feelings it is important not to go overboard with this kind of deception. Allowing another person to believe that you share a particularly important interest with them may seem like a good way to get to know them better, but in truth may end up making you miserable. A better way to approach such an issue might be to say that you have an interest in the activity and are willing to share it with this individual, rather than stating that your passion for it matches their own.
Whether or not you are looking for a long-term relationship it is important to keep in mind that deception often creates problems for those who practice it, not just the deceived.
In order to maintain a healthy and positive life style it is often better to focus on being honest and allow the chemistry to unfold naturally. Those who enjoy the thrill of such behavior often find that while physical conquests may be accomplished that the gratification is hollow and less and less satisfying with each act. Perhaps this is because the impulse is often caused by deep seeded insecurity and this reality gnaws at their core, or perhaps it is because the reality of the situation is that the accomplishment was not so much a victory as childish prank achieved.
If you find that in order to meet others you feel it is necessary to lie you may want take some time to think about how you feel about yourself.
Certainly even those who practice such behavior and feel that their confidence is unquestionably intact, must face the question at one time or another: if you are comfortable with who you are why then do you choose to so often hide behind deception? The answers may be difficult to deal with and certainly may take time to find solutions to, but to shed those deep and unresolved problems can be a life changing experience.
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